as posted in my facebook note...

aku mau tukar nama jadi Hawa. boleh kah?

senyuman awak manis seindah suria. cerianye pagi selasa dan khamis dan tengahari isnin dan rabu. sebab awak.
cemburunya rasa melihat pasangan bercinta, bahagia. bila saya boleh rasa? bila awak nak datang, encik A bukan nama sebenar?

saya sudi berubah. sudi. sudi. kalau awak sudi pimpin tangan saya. kalau itu yang awak mahu. saya tahu saya berbunyi hipokrit. tetapi itulah itu.

tapi kalau awak suka saya sebegini, saya risau. mungkin awak sama dengan dia. mungkin awak sama dengan mereka, ikan pirana. (oh, pirana bukan awak wahai bawang merah). mungkin awak pun akan lukakan saya macam dia lukakan saya. saya harap awak lain. saya harap kali ini kisahnya tak sama macam episod dulu. awak paham kan?

kawan-kawan, tulisan saya tiada struktur. mengapa? kerana perasaan saya bagai ombak di bulan disember, bagai ayam disambar benang. benarlah teori marxism, penulisan seseorang dipengaruhi oleh enviromen di waktu penulisan.

kawan-kawan benarkan aku berperasaan begini sekejap, kamu kamu dan kamu lebih rela melihat aku tersenyum dari menangis bukan?
cinta saya pada rakan-rakan tetap seperti dulu. kalaupun ada rakan yang sudah tidak cinta saya lagi. aduh sakit.
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senyum kembali selepas beberapa saat. jangan siapa berani rampas senyuman dari bibirku lagi. aku tak rela.

~senyum kembali~
oh encik addam bukan nama sebenar! =)

woman's instinct

this thing is scary. seriously. im not really into feminism, women's rights, but when it comes to this, i'm for woman's instinct 150%! and i dont just say this, i've experienced it. let's not bore you with the details, but it happened. my instinct told me something, at first i thot it was crazy thinking, paranoia maybe, but then the universe proved it right. this just adds to me feeling proud being born as a female. =)

white lies o white lies

sometimes in life we are forced to give?/make? white lies. your dad asks about your results, you said everything is okay tho you failed two papers. you just cant stand to see his dissapointment. you are holding back tears, but you claim that smoke gets in your eyes, that's a white lie, because you don't want your friends to be worried. an ex asks you about your new relationship, you deny. another white lie. why? because you do that for his or her own good. he wont be ready for this. oh that's just very noble of you, really. see, all this discussion about white lies goes down to a conclusion, we are good people inside. we care about those around us so much to an extent lying is not sinful anymore. care to differ, anyone?

btw, i seem to be having sore throat these days, i cant smoke. and i have a feeling this sore throat is going to stay for quite some time. ~here's to you Dolah. =)~

it's more or less like this

i've realised that my posts are a bit too direct, when it is supposed to be personal. so i'm using a new approach, saying things using a different way. so here goes..

once upon a time, there was a shark. let's call him sharky. sharky claims that he loves fishes, and that he cares about them. there's a particular fish he loves, a goldfish. he looks after of that goldfish with much love and care. one day, sharky met another fish, a blowfish. they got along well and become friends. sharky also takes care of other fishes, like the seahorse (i know seahorse is not a fish, but that seahorse insisted on being a seahorse) . however, though sharky said that he loves fishes, be it goldfish or blowfish or seahorse, sharky has a habit of eating blowfish. everytime they hang out, sharky will eat a bit of blowfish's flesh. bit by bit until there's only little left of blowfish's flesh. but blowfish didnt mind. because blowfish loved sharky's company, and she loved eating sharky's flesh too. but it occured to blowfish too, that why would sharky it her flesh, but not goldfish's? sharky said he loves all fishes, but why the different treatment? but then again blowfish n sharky kept eating each other's fleshes. this went on and when there's nothing left to eat, sharky ate blowfish's head. blowfish felt tired of this eating activity and told sharky that she cannot go on with it. sharky said ok. to make her forget about sharky, blowfish befriended some piranhas. with the piranhas, blowfish went around and had fun, drinking chemical infested water, eating poisonous seaweed and let the piranhas bite her. she didnt like it when the piranhas bit her, but she let them, because it reminded her of sharky. sharky found out about it and was not happy. oneday sharky met the blowfish and talked to her. sharky told blowfish that he didnt like the way blowfish behaved. he said, "why did you do such things? have you lost your head??"
"you ate my head, remember?" blowfish replied, cold, and left..

p/s: the name blowfish has some sexual connotation (for me la), i know, it was done on purpose. peace!