is this love?

everyone has their own interpretation of love
one says it is a feeling like no other
one says it is chemical reaction inside your brain
one says it is lust
i dont know what love is
i dont know if this is love
but i know that u make me happy
u make me smile
u make me laugh
u make me incapable to stay mad at you even for just two minutes
and i know i dont mind spending time with you, every moment everyday ;)

Colourful baby.. <3

Dh lame x update blog kn?
aku bkn kacang lupakan kulit, mcari blog hanya d waktu depressed.

Sekarang aku happy, aku xlupa mcurah rasa hati dkat warkah maya ini.

Ceritanya, aku merasa COLOURFUL. Sila jgn tanya aku ape maksud colourful tu. Laki aku xkasi aku bgtau.

Pernah skali, aku ckp kat kekasih hati, "rasa mcm nk bgtau satu dunia je I'M IN LOVE". Kekasih aku ckp, "bagitaulah.."

Lantas aku terfikir "Aha! Blog kn ade!" (sebijik mentol mnyala atas kepala).

Td tibe2 kekasih nk tgk blog aku. Post2 sblom ni hanya tentang cerita2 lama. paling recent, psl crush ku bdak kelas arab.

Aku tanya hati, klu aku bace blog kekasih tp yg ada hanya cerita cinta lama, mesti aku merajuk, tarik muka, pastu gelak bila dia buat lawak sket (ilmu ape dia pakai tapi aku xboleh nak marah lama2), tapi balik sambung menangis kt bilik sampai tertido. Aku xmahu dia balik dan menangis, burok benor rupenye.

Skarang kekasih aku tgh sapkok dgn kem, lalu aku cpat2 type post ni. ini mjelaskan ayat yg kurg bbunga2. Korg yg pnah bace blog aku msti dpt observe yg aku lebih kreatif bile aku depressed kn?

Jadi...

Baby, COLOURFUL.... <3

as posted in my facebook note...

aku mau tukar nama jadi Hawa. boleh kah?

senyuman awak manis seindah suria. cerianye pagi selasa dan khamis dan tengahari isnin dan rabu. sebab awak.
cemburunya rasa melihat pasangan bercinta, bahagia. bila saya boleh rasa? bila awak nak datang, encik A bukan nama sebenar?

saya sudi berubah. sudi. sudi. kalau awak sudi pimpin tangan saya. kalau itu yang awak mahu. saya tahu saya berbunyi hipokrit. tetapi itulah itu.

tapi kalau awak suka saya sebegini, saya risau. mungkin awak sama dengan dia. mungkin awak sama dengan mereka, ikan pirana. (oh, pirana bukan awak wahai bawang merah). mungkin awak pun akan lukakan saya macam dia lukakan saya. saya harap awak lain. saya harap kali ini kisahnya tak sama macam episod dulu. awak paham kan?

kawan-kawan, tulisan saya tiada struktur. mengapa? kerana perasaan saya bagai ombak di bulan disember, bagai ayam disambar benang. benarlah teori marxism, penulisan seseorang dipengaruhi oleh enviromen di waktu penulisan.

kawan-kawan benarkan aku berperasaan begini sekejap, kamu kamu dan kamu lebih rela melihat aku tersenyum dari menangis bukan?
cinta saya pada rakan-rakan tetap seperti dulu. kalaupun ada rakan yang sudah tidak cinta saya lagi. aduh sakit.
...
...
...
senyum kembali selepas beberapa saat. jangan siapa berani rampas senyuman dari bibirku lagi. aku tak rela.

~senyum kembali~
oh encik addam bukan nama sebenar! =)

woman's instinct

this thing is scary. seriously. im not really into feminism, women's rights, but when it comes to this, i'm for woman's instinct 150%! and i dont just say this, i've experienced it. let's not bore you with the details, but it happened. my instinct told me something, at first i thot it was crazy thinking, paranoia maybe, but then the universe proved it right. this just adds to me feeling proud being born as a female. =)

white lies o white lies

sometimes in life we are forced to give?/make? white lies. your dad asks about your results, you said everything is okay tho you failed two papers. you just cant stand to see his dissapointment. you are holding back tears, but you claim that smoke gets in your eyes, that's a white lie, because you don't want your friends to be worried. an ex asks you about your new relationship, you deny. another white lie. why? because you do that for his or her own good. he wont be ready for this. oh that's just very noble of you, really. see, all this discussion about white lies goes down to a conclusion, we are good people inside. we care about those around us so much to an extent lying is not sinful anymore. care to differ, anyone?

btw, i seem to be having sore throat these days, i cant smoke. and i have a feeling this sore throat is going to stay for quite some time. ~here's to you Dolah. =)~

it's more or less like this

i've realised that my posts are a bit too direct, when it is supposed to be personal. so i'm using a new approach, saying things using a different way. so here goes..

once upon a time, there was a shark. let's call him sharky. sharky claims that he loves fishes, and that he cares about them. there's a particular fish he loves, a goldfish. he looks after of that goldfish with much love and care. one day, sharky met another fish, a blowfish. they got along well and become friends. sharky also takes care of other fishes, like the seahorse (i know seahorse is not a fish, but that seahorse insisted on being a seahorse) . however, though sharky said that he loves fishes, be it goldfish or blowfish or seahorse, sharky has a habit of eating blowfish. everytime they hang out, sharky will eat a bit of blowfish's flesh. bit by bit until there's only little left of blowfish's flesh. but blowfish didnt mind. because blowfish loved sharky's company, and she loved eating sharky's flesh too. but it occured to blowfish too, that why would sharky it her flesh, but not goldfish's? sharky said he loves all fishes, but why the different treatment? but then again blowfish n sharky kept eating each other's fleshes. this went on and when there's nothing left to eat, sharky ate blowfish's head. blowfish felt tired of this eating activity and told sharky that she cannot go on with it. sharky said ok. to make her forget about sharky, blowfish befriended some piranhas. with the piranhas, blowfish went around and had fun, drinking chemical infested water, eating poisonous seaweed and let the piranhas bite her. she didnt like it when the piranhas bit her, but she let them, because it reminded her of sharky. sharky found out about it and was not happy. oneday sharky met the blowfish and talked to her. sharky told blowfish that he didnt like the way blowfish behaved. he said, "why did you do such things? have you lost your head??"
"you ate my head, remember?" blowfish replied, cold, and left..

p/s: the name blowfish has some sexual connotation (for me la), i know, it was done on purpose. peace!

mencari kedai kunci

i remember when i was in matric p.j
we go to the pasar malam every tuesday
there's this uncle who makes key
and we found it hillarious to listen to hom promoting his stall
he'll always go like this
"kunci..kunci...
bikin kunci...
*woshepucetauni kunci..."

*is something in chinese but i dont know what it means

today i rilly feel like going there once again
i want to see dat uncle
and ask him if he has
the key to your heart

damn u, i'm sorry

i just learnt 2 very important lessons:

"apologizing and forgiving are far more relieving than holding grudge"

and

"being angry so damn tiring, trust me"



but being stupid is tiring too though...

boy and girl say something

boy says:

are we gonna pretend what we had was not special?

girl says:

are we gonna pretend that u didn't break my heart?

Meraung - New Boyz

Menggigil tubuh ini
Melihat kau bersamanya
Tergamam aku tak terkata
Meraung di jiwa
Puas ku pertahankan
Cinta kita sejak dulu
Tapi sayang
Sikit pun tidak
Menghargai cintaku
( korus )Sia-sia saja
Pengorbanan dan kesetiaanku ini
Ku sangka kau permata
Rupanya duri paling berbisa
Ku pasrah dan berdoa
Semoga tabah jiwaku
Oh… tetapi bagaimana
Nak ku lawan
Jiwa yang siksa
Ke mana arah hendak ku tuju
Bila hatiku rindu padamu
Hendakku cari tapi tak guna
Kau bahagia dengan si dia
Dikamar sepi aku termenung
Terbayang bayang kenangan kita
Tidak ku sangka kau
Tergamak pergi
Saat ku masih perlukan mu
( ulang korus )
Ah…ah…ah…Ah…ah…ah…
Meraung di jiwa
Apalah daya kiranya
Orang dah benci
Ah…ah…ah…Ah…ah…ah…
Meraung di jiwa
Tapi tak pernah ku benci
Dirimu sayang

Aku meraung.. literally.. out loud
yup, i cant believe it myself
i've become that kind of girl, jealous and hysterical. damn.

sexism feminism wutevaism

guys
they always wanna fu#k u
but when they finally do
they wont take u seriously
and sometimes they just...flee
forgive me gentlemen
for such a sexist statement
its not like im saying girls are all innocent
there are bitches in our department
believe me its true
i know some of them just too well, maybe im one of them too!

p/s: i apologize if this post offfends u, this is not meant for every guy n every girl in general, just one guy and one bit#h in particular. u kno who u r, xoxo!

mistake, heartbreak, n evrything dat ends ok

to say dat im facing a heartbeak, everyone does
all the time
i've had heartbreaks before, it's nothing new
but this one
it aint just a heartbreak
its a mistake
BIG mistake
a mistake that i know too well i shouldn't have done it
a mistake that i regret most
but what's done is done
there's no point crying, blaming, regretting
they say we learn from mistakes
if so, then i just got a BIG lesson
lesson i shall never forget


i'm gonna be ok



p/s: heads up to readers, my blog will be like this for sometime, deppressing and clear.